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EbonyMommy ©2006

EbonyMommy ©2006

Path Chosen

EbonyMommy ©2006

We had a lovely visit today with my best friend. She brought her two kiddos into town for a Doctor’s appointment and was swung by to hang out with us for a few hours. Its so hard for us to seperate because EBoy and her son miss each other tremendously. I’m hoping that the transition to Texas will not be too hard on EBoy with missing his friends. It’s already been hard enough living 1.5 hours apart but I guess at least it won’t be quite so traumatic when we leave since we have been apart for months now.

My Mom called me the other day to tell me that the girl who is pretty much the first friend I ever remember having has now been diagnosed with MS. Our Dads had both been in the Army together and we went to visit her family when we left Germany and arrived in Texas(I was 4 years old at the time). She and I had sleepovers together and always got along well. I was teased about my skin colour by both white and black kids in my kindergarden class, but hanging out with her was different since she was the only black girl I knew that had even less melonin than myself(I always wanted to be darker because I hated standing out, but around her that was not an issue). The paths we chose in life was very different and just a few decisions seperate how our lives turned out. She was always a smart girl, but after being an honor student in elementary she wound up not caring about grades. Her parents divorced which I know it was really difficult for her, and her grades plummeted soon after. She took off soon after highschool with a military guy, wound up with a couple of daughters and had returned home to raise her girls and work as a waitress.

I can’t judge her life and say its bad and certainly don’t think its worse than my own, but I often wonder what would have happened for Keisha if she’d stayed on path she started on instead of veering into another direction altogether. When we move I definitely plan to go and visit her, its been so many years since I last saw her. The form of MS she’s been diagnosed with has left her pretty weak so she’s in and out the hospital quite a bit now. I can’t imagine having to fight such a disease on my own with 2 young children but I’m praying for her health and strength to return.

This has been a very meandering post but overall I suppose no matter what paths my friends have chosen they were obviously the right ones for them. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been blessed to spend the time with them and create the lifetime friendships I treasure and hold so dear.

EBoy Photo Perspective

A Day in the life of EBoy as photographed by EBoy:

EBaby:
EbonyMommy ©2006

Mommy:
EbonyMommy ©2006

Daddy:
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???? (we think its the underside of our ottoman):
EbonyMommy ©2006

??? (a mouth perhaps?):
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Self portrait of the artist:
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Weighty matters

Scales

I’ve been reading the ebook Burn the Fat Feed the Muscle and found what I’m hoping will inspire me to get 100% back on track with my journey to fitness. Apparently if you just lose weight, your subconscious will decide to go and find it. However, if you transform your mind to focus on a new vision of yourself you can start anew and keep the weight off.

Evaluating some of the root issues I have with my weight and working out has been a tremendous part of this journey. I know there has been a lot of talk about weight and relationships lately in the blog world but one thing I have to personally face is how much my Mom’s obesity earlier in my life affected me. I have a family history of thyroid disorders and my Mom’s thyroid was so hyperactive that she wound up weighing 80 pounds (she’s 5′7″) and hospitilized for weeks. They had to destroy her thyroid entirely in order to get her back to health so as a result she wound up severely overweight.

Looking back on my childhood I always thought that my Mom was unhappy when I was really young and that it was because she was a stay at home Mom but would have preferred working (she did complete her first degree once my brother and I were in school and entered the work force) but now I know her thyroid (or lack therof) can lead to quite a bit of depression and fatigue. It took the doctors years to work through these issues and finally get her on medication to replace the thyroid she lost. but she struggled with her weight until the last 3 or so years when she joined Weight Watchers and lost quite a bit- she’s almost to goal.

Back to my issues, I’m sad to say I spent a great deal of my childhood ashamed of how my Mom looked. No it wasn’t right and its not like anyone ever directly made fun of me but I was just mortified when people would initially meet her, thinking that I would be judged by the way she looked- especially since I knew how badly overweight kids at school were teased. Being overweight has always been an issue of shame for me since very early on. I’ve hated my body for more years than not and know that to make a change I have to start loving myself just where I am.

Because of my own past shame issues, I worry that my own children will be ashamed of me if I am seriously overweight. The whole blog issue about spouses and how they view you if your weight changes is not something I could even begin to comment on, if anything my husband has just requested I not lose too much weight but supports me just how I am. I don’t know how much a child’s self image is affected psychologically by their connection with their parents, but I remember how sensitive I was to my image of my parents. My shame at my Mom’s weight and my anger at my Dad’s substance abuse are just the tip to what lead to many years of teen angst and pain. EBoy is definitely all boy and can be rough and tumble but I’m noticing more of myself in him than I ever expected to see.

I know its important to teach your children to love themselves and love others regardless of how they look, but I guess first I need to teach myself that very lesson.

Lessons

Sale

Garage Sale Lesson
We had our first garage sale this past weekend and it was quite a success. The most important thing about the sale is that it taught me a serious lesson: I am not cut out to be in any sort of sales/bargaining/haggling position in the work force. At the actual garage sale every time some one shot me down on a price, not only did I take their price, I apologized profusely and offered them free stuff. I sent one woman away with more bags of free items than what she purchased (not that I feel bad about it, she was shipping a lot of it to Africa for mission help) but afterwards I realized I could have sold that stuff doh!

Ultimately I was just happy to let go of so many things, its rather addictive seeing so much clutter gone for good. My plan for this week is to list a bunch of things on Craigslist and see if I get any offers on it. I had 2 people that responded to my listing of the garage sale on Craig’s list and they were a sizeable part of my profit. If you ever do a garage sale be sure to list it there and to list all of the items you are going to sell, you just never know who might be in need of what you have. Plus my confrontational-phobic self can handle emailing to discuss prices a whole lot better than talking face to face.


Easter Lessons

Easter was lovely- I wish I had a bunch of great pictures to share but unfortunately EDad left my camera charger in Texas so no Easter pics for me. I

Without further ado here are my Easter lessons:
1. Don’t shop for Easter stuff at Tarjay. Buying just a couple of things for two small boys can turn into a $50 total you weren’t expecting.

2. Marshmellow peeps + EBaby = big gooey yellow mess. No he doesn’t like them so don’t try to give them to him unless you want peeps spit directly into your face

3. 3 year old + melted chocolate bunny in a car = nightmare. Nuff said

Hope everyone had a blessed Easter, and that Spring has finally sprung in your area!

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