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Friday, April 27th, 2007 at 8:32 am by EbonyMom

Blogging has been an interest of mine for the last 7 years, and I’ve been regularly blogging for 6 years. My first blogs focused on my life and then pregnancy/infancy of EBoy and included pictures of our daily life, friends, family, and used our full real names. After some internet drama which made me very uneasy (nothing threatening, just finding out people weren’t as genuine as I thought) I stopped that particular blog and pondered on exactly what level of anonymity I would like for my blogging outlet.

The name I chose here is black focused of course- primarily because of the severe lack of african-american parenting sites I was able to find on the web. I blog to connect with other people like me and the relationships I’ve formed over the years have been wonderful. But now I keep toying with the idea of coming out of the blog closet.

You see, no one in my real life (at least that I know of) has any idea about my blog. It’s not like I ever bad mouth anyone here or spread malicious content, but what if for some reason I suddenly decide to need to vent or get real in a way that could leave someone’s feelings hurt? I just can’t seem to make the decision on whether or not to fully open this up or not.

I also mentally toy with the idea of posting names of people I’ve missed from my childhood/growing up. As a military brat I don’t have any connections that go back prior to college (with the exception of a few church friends but none of them went to the same schools). I’d love to hear from old acquaintances mainly because I mentally blocked out that part of my life for so many years just to cope with all of the dark and troubled times I experienced then. Now that I’m finally feeling stronger and healed I actually want to reconnect.

I still haven’t figured out what to do. What level of anonymity do you have on your blog? Does your extended family know about your blog? Do you keep a private journal whether paper or online for those things that you don’t want to share in your public blog space?

Should I come out of the blogging closet?

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29 Comments

After 16 years of raising a daughter, we found out we were having a baby!!!! When I found out we were having a baby, so many emotions ran through my mind and I lost track of who I sent an update to, etc. It started out with me sending out emails detailing my doctor’s visits, etc…

With the help of my friend Tracey (who i met online thru a military yahoo group) she created a yahoo group for me.

I started posting my daily thoughts to my friends and family. They of course knew my full name, life, etc.

Then I met you. You sent me an email that pretty much said, you should be blogging. You set up my template and 3 years later, here I am!

Soooo with that said, I think you should keep things the way they are. I don’t think you’re in the blogging closet. There’s no need to go into your full name, etc. If people (family, friends) find you then so be it. Send them a link and see where it goes. Beware though. I’ve had ‘friends’ get upset once they found out I had a blog but, they weren’t on the ‘list’ and they felt that they missed out on my ‘life’ Huh? That’s why they have archives! HaHa…..
Send your link to your friends and family today!!!!–Just be sure to put up a disclaimer that it’s your blog, you can say what you want.

I love you EbonyMommy! :)

Comment by tanyetta | April 27th, 2007 12:58 pm | Permalink

I say you can come out to some degree. I talk about a LOT on my blog, I know my parents know about it, and my SIL, my brothers lol, well just about all of my family with the exception of my inlaws, BUT when I do ahve something to say taht is “not so nice” I just give them code names! LOL

Comment by Adrienne | April 27th, 2007 1:00 pm | Permalink

i think things are fine the way they are, but i don’t see anything wrong with letting your family and friends know about the blog.

i tell my irl friends and family i have a blog and offer to share the link if they want to see it. some i send particular posts i think they’d appreciate.

i usually post and vent about my immediate fam (hubby and kids) no one else, but if i ever chose to vent about a friend or an extended family member, I dont think id think twice about it.

my life’s an open book (just like Oprah). i’ve posted my real age, weight, etc on public forums. that may not be a good thing (especially considered i’ve had a real life stalker before).

anyway, i say take a step at a time. don’t just fling the closet door open and come out guns blazing.

Comment by JJ | April 27th, 2007 8:25 pm | Permalink

My parents, bro and inlaws know…but I’m not interesting enough for them to read regularily, hehe. A few friends might know too, but it doesn’t really come up. I don’t really post much that I would mind people IRL knowing. IT can sometimes be restrictive though since so many of my friends read it and often, want to try to help fix a problem or whatever when I was just venting. Ya know? I do keep a private journal but I don’t write in it on a regular basis. I want to start. As for comfort levels, I feel comfortable posting pics and general location (and if anyone figures out where I am, I’m ok with that), but as the kiddos have gotten older, not their real names. But you already know all this, haha.

Comment by Dee | April 27th, 2007 10:32 pm | Permalink

You know, you have to do whatever you’re comfortable with. My family, if they remember my old email addresses, should know about my site. They don’t know about my personal site(s) or didn’t, when I had them.

You could also write w/o letting anyone know who/where you are period. Sure, you won’t be able to take all your readers with you, but you may gain some new ones

Best wishes.

Comment by GM | April 28th, 2007 10:34 am | Permalink

A little while ago I wrote a posted entitled “Why I Blog” and it explored my reasons for blogging and why I blog under my own name and not a pseudonym. I’m not able to recreate the reasons here, but suffice it to say that I blog openly and am comfortable with that.

Comment by Liana | April 28th, 2007 12:43 pm | Permalink

Well I’ve only actually told my brother and my daughters about my blog. But I found out the other day if you Google my name, there it is.

Comment by Lisa | April 28th, 2007 11:32 pm | Permalink

I suppose I’m not really trying that hard to be anonymous, but at the same time nobody in my family other than my husband knows my blog(s) exist. I discuss where I live because I think it’s important for context, but I try not to be so specific that I have stalkers on my doorstep. I don’t put my last name out there, but anyone trying hard enough to find us can. I’m a writer, my husband is an artist - a little attention won’t hurt. I do try not to say anything on my blog that I wouldn’t want people I know in real life not to have to confront me on, though.

Comment by Tiffany | April 28th, 2007 11:46 pm | Permalink

Hey Girl:

I can appreciate where you are at. I just kind of go with the flow. I am not broadcasting all over, however, I am not making great efforts to hide out either. Personally, I kind of like the annonimity. I am in the process of working on a book deal so I know it won’t last forever. However, it serves a purpose. The best suggestion I can give is just be open. Who says you have to come out of the closet. It’s o.k. to have a secret that is just for you. It’s not like you’re hurting anyone. And if you find you really need to go off and vent more regularly than you thought, you can always start another blog.

Hope this 2 cents helps.

Peace.

Comment by ContentBlackWoman | April 29th, 2007 1:15 am | Permalink

My family, friends & some coworkers (grr) know about my blog. I use first names but no last name. I don’t think it’s a big deal unless you’re posting some really controversial stuff. Whatever you feel comfortable with is cool.

Comment by Much More Than A Mom | April 29th, 2007 10:12 am | Permalink

Many of my family members know about my blog, but none of them visit. My friends stop by every few months and binge. Only a few colleagues know about it and they don’t care. I say tell the people that you think would be supportive or interested and see what they do (i.e. leave comments).

Comment by Keith | April 29th, 2007 9:05 pm | Permalink

I have to agree with you, Ebony Mom. I am at the point where I want to vent, but can’t because everyone in my family, including friends know about my blog. I really regret that decision. I’m now in the process of starting another one, and I have no plans of telling anyone. I think your blog is great the way is, and if you should decide to vent then you have a spot to do that without risking injury to the ones you love.

Comment by Traci | April 30th, 2007 12:21 am | Permalink

Strollerderby Playdate: Random Acts of Randomness…

Good
morning sunshines! I’m back again with today’s blog round-up. Ailing
‘Derby-er Jessica Ashley (usually in charge of Tuesday’s playdate) is
too sick to play with us. (Feel better, grrrrl.) I’m also right in the middle of watching The Bachel…

Comment by Strollerderby | May 1st, 2007 10:11 am | Permalink

Interesting post, as others have been able to connect the dots of some of my comments across the ‘net, and I am merely a blog “fan”.

I was initially surprised and made uneasy at the level of revelation found at so many family-centered blogs, such as your own, but then realized that with certain keys pieces of information left out (your address, children’s schools, last names, social security # :)), many people seem to have a respectful, mature group of regulars, and from what I’ve gleaned through posts, no one has been “outed” or “stalked”.

You do a great job at making us feel part of your web family, and just as with the more tangible, immediate relationships, the reasonable limitations on what we are allowed to know about your life don’t impede upon, or diminish, the contact and time spent.

Comment by fit2btyed | May 1st, 2007 11:13 am | Permalink

I blog anonymously, mainly in an attempt to protect my child from the crazy wackos that are out on the Internet and to ensure that our little family has privacy. My husband is the only one in my immediate and extended family that knows about my blog. Occasionally he’ll read it, but not often.

I have met a fellow blogger, so now she knows my real contact info. I’ve also become pen pals with another blogger, so we’ve exchanged identifying information. I think there are a handful of bloggers that I’ve trusted with some of my private info, but not a lot.

Even those that know some private info about me know that I do not wish them to share that info on their blogs or in my comments section. So far, they’ve respected my wish for anonymity.

I’ve been tempted to share my blog with some of my close family members, but something holds me back. I think it’s because then I’d be tempted to really pick and choose what I blog about and I don’t want to have to do that.

My blog is my own little piece of work and I’m not ready to share. Maybe someday, but not today.

Comment by Overwhelmed With Joy! | May 1st, 2007 1:28 pm | Permalink

[...] Before I got to the yard this morning I checked out Ebony Mom, because I saw she peeped her head in (myblog.com is the bomb!), and noticed that one of the things she was concerned about was going public. I went public sometime ago, but I’ve largely kept the family stuff private. [...]

Comment by Mother’s Day/Wedding Anniversary : Dr. Lester K. Spence | May 8th, 2007 4:42 am | Permalink

[...] However I guess I’m still concerned with safety issues and considering I’ve never fully come out of the blog closet. It still makes me nervous to think of having my personal information plastered anywhere that I [...]

Comment by EbonyMommy.com » Blog Archive | September 19th, 2008 2:12 pm | Permalink

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